Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Cozy Crib Tent II

Let's see, where were we?

Oh, yes.  Alice was adjusting beautifully to her new arrangement sleeping on just her mattress on the floor. We were taking everything in stride. Life was good.

I'm sure this won't be the last time that I eat my words as a parent, but let's just say that I was a little hasty in deeming the transition out of the crib to be a success.  After many missed naps and three nights in a row of being awake with Alice for hours at a time, we declared the mattress-on-floor experiment to be a failure and picked up one of these:

The Cozy Crib Tent II.

Doesn't it just sound like fun? I mean, it has the word "cozy" right there in the name.  Who doesn't like cozy stuff?  And would you just look at that kid in the promo photo? She's having a blast! And, bonus alert: in addition to keeping your kid in the crib, the Cozy Crib Tent II also keeps cats and insects out! Too good to be true!

Well, I am here to tell you that your child, if she is anything like mine, will not see this new contraption as something fun and worth celebrating.  Instead, she will scream in horror the very first time you put her in the crib with the Cozy Crib Tent II attached.  She will be wailing as you, in a strained, high-pitched voice, try to persuade her: "Isn't this so neat? Look! It's your very own fort!".  You will have to hold her sad little face out of the way as you're zipping the tent closed so that you don't get her chubby cheeks caught in the zipper.  But then.  Then! You will leave the room and you will sigh the exhausted, grateful sigh of a parent who knows that her child will be contained for the next 10-12 hours.  You will drink some wine and smile.  You will sleep the whole night through.

Things will go along swimmingly for a few days.  Order will be restored. Your under-eye circles will begin to fade from purple to sky blue. Then, the Cozy Crib Tent II, after worming its way into your heart, will start to turn on you. You'll notice that the zipper is opening up in a few places, that the fabric seems strained in others.  And then, one nap time, a few minutes after you leave the room, you'll hear a thud, a pitter-patter, and then a door creaking open.

Your child will have broken the zipper on the Cozy Crib Tent II.

And when that happens, let me just tell you, don't panic. You'll be fine.  But, you're gonna need some coffee.

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